Society’s Myth: Love is all you need. The right person will make you complete.
The weekends are spent in bars looking for Mr. Right. The mornings are consumed nursing hangovers and her dignity. How many times has she laid there with a strange man, staring at the ceiling, pretending to be loved and needed and desired?
Will he want to get to know me; perhaps ask me to spend the day with him? Or is he simply another “smooth operator?” Will he, like the others, promise to call only to dismiss me? Might he actually want to start a relationship—a meaningful love relationship my soul craves?
Then her mind switches tracks. I can’t believe I fell into this predicament again. I feel used, abused, and embarrassed. I hate myself. Being rejected yet again fuels cynical and destructive feelings. This keeps happening because I’m contaminated.
Have you ever made a promise to yourself not to have sex with just anyone because you know how dirty and unworthy you’ll feel afterwards? Yet, the feelings of pain, emptiness, and aloneness are just as horrible. So you go out to a bar with a friend, have a couple drinks, and meet who appears to be Mr. Perfect. Wham. Bam. Thank you ma’am. You thought you felt like dirt before. Now you feel cheap, used, and revolting.
Society portrays sex as something fun without consequences. Society is wrong. As Dr. J. I. Packer said, “Sexual laxity brutalizes you, and tears your soul to pieces.”
I wasn’t a sex addict looking to meet my sexual needs (although sexual addiction affects many Christian women). Each encounter represented a potential mate. I believed the lie I’d only be a whole happy person if I was attached to a guy. Deep down, I hoped “true love” would soothe the ache of my deep need for love and acceptance, and bind the wounds of rejection and betrayal.
In the quest for intimacy, I confused sex with feelings of love and felt I owed it to men. Aren’t I supposed to give into his needs in order to keep him wanting more of me? The plan backfired, causing my self-esteem to plummet further into a dark pit.
These men violated my boundaries, my personhood. So, the cycle of deceit and abuse continued. Now I understand why God warns us, “Never offer any part of your body to sin’s power. No part of your body should ever be used to do any ungodly thing” (Romans 6:13, GW).
Generally, problems with lust are a male issue, while addiction to romance and intimacy is more often a female matter. Males get more attached to the sexual novelty while females get addicted to bonding. Unconsciously I believed, “If someone truly loves me then I can believe I’m not damaged.” Love me, even though I don’t love myself.
God eventually brought a godly man into my life. He gave me the attention I craved. For years I found satisfaction in him alone, not Jesus. Only after I committed to spiritual transformation did I come to love Jesus and allow him to fill my soul-hole first.
When I study Jesus’s three years of public ministry I see one long period of intervention in multitudes of people’s lives. He behaved and said what he did because he was on a mission to rescue his created—those who were completely deceived. Today he still intervenes. He doesn’t throw the Bible at us, and then tell us to deal with the world and figure it out. Jesus Christ became a man to show us the way.He offers us a way out. Jesus makes peace between us and God, giving us access to God’s immense presence.
This is how God chose to present himself to the world—his real self. As we grasp his humanity, we find a person we can approach, know, trust, love, and adore. Our existence is about Jesus’s relentless pursuit of us—to the point of dying on the cross so we might be intimately acquainted with God the Father. This is a picture of God’s grace. Jesus is still on a mission to save his created. Let him love you.
J. I. Packer, Knowing God (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1973), 103.
Kimberly Davidson, Author ~ Become a Facebook fan Kimberly posts encouragement daily!